Looking back.......

I have been looking back over old blog posts, I love doing this. It gives you such an amazing sense of how things were and where you were as a person.

I have to say, I am finding my summer style a little scary. I had lost so much weight. I had dropped to a size 4-6. Which given that I am 6ft tall is not good. The perfect weight for my height is what I am now 8-10. My cheekbones stuck out, my skin was too pale, my hair was thin, my ribs stuck out and my face looked sick. I looked sick.

It wasn't on purpose. I was working in a stressful job for eight hours, getting home too tired to eat and having a small dinner before going for a stress relief filled run every night. As a result, I got thin and I got thin quickly.

I wouldn't advise it to anyone. I looked unwell. My friends tried so hard to tell me. But I couldn't see just how bad it was until I got healthy this year. This is just me being honest. I quit my job, moved back home, ate as normally as I can and stopped running. So I no longer look ill. I also grew out that too short fringe!!!!

But my style was a reflection of how I felt at the time. I felt weak, defenceless and alone. So I slapped on the black eye make-up, wore black clothes (still do that) and had an aggressive dress sense for most of the summer. I also wore a lot of jewelry. Usually earrings, two rings, three necklaces. It was all to put up a front that I was coping despite things really not being well. If I looked tough, I felt tough. And I loved that.

I have softened my look now. I'm happy at the moment. In a course I love, in a place I love and with someone I love. My look has never been more balanced!!!! But I still look back at just how scary I looked this summer and I wish someone had just pulled me aside and given me a big hug and helped me.

But then, I wish I had known how to ask for help back then. I'm still learning now